Sunday, April 28 (WEEK 3)

PARK DISTRICT’S NEW SEATING PLAN RESULTS IN CANCELLED GAMES AT EMRICSON PARK

WOODSTOCK —  The Woodstock Park District’s new experiment with Drive-In Theater-type seating at Emricson Park ended in disaster on Saturday and forced the cancellation of the Sunday morning game between the Bats and Lightning.  The two teams were scheduled to play Sunday at 10:00 AM with the knowledge the game itself was in jeopardy due to a particularly wet weekend forecast.  An incident with the new seating arrangements, however, left the game washed out even before the first rain drop had fallen.

Hoping to give fans a more intimate experience, the Woodstock Park District took a page from the Drive-In Theatre industry and encouraged fans to park within spitting distance from the field.  Fans coming to Emricson Park normally sit on blankets or in lawn chairs on the idyllic hillside surrounding the baseball field, but recently, some had complained they were too far from the action and energy of the game.

Taking those complaints to heart, one veteran park district employee (currently on "leave") convinced the park district board that encouraging people to sit close to the surrounding fence would enhance the overall fan experience.  That employee also suggested that allowing fans to drive their vehicles up next to the field would provide them with comfortable seating as well as protection from line drives and foul balls.  The board, fresh off a business-related field trip to the Cannabis Weed Dispensary in Westchester, Illinois, voted unanimously to implement the program shortly before breaking for snack time.

Saturday afternoon marked the debut of Emricson Park’s newly implemented Vehicle Viewing program which came to a crashing halt just moments after it began.  Police reports state that an over-zealous group of fans, speeding to get a prime viewing spot behind the first-base dugout, lost control of their minivan and was unable to stop before smashing through the shrubbery behind the dugout.

This minivan crashed into the bushes behind the first base

dugout at Emricson Park on Saturday.

(Photo "borrowed" from Northwest Herald)

A chaotic scene ensued as players and coaches scattered from the dugout.  One local journalist was heard crying, “Oh, the humanity!” as player after player tumbled from their cinder block shelter and on to the field.  An anonymous park district employee called it “an unmitigated disaster” and was concerned about possible malicious intentions.  Police, however, quickly dispelled any notions of domestic terrorism and categorized the incident as “domestic dumbness.”

The Woodstock Park District has set up a hedge fund to help pay for the landscaping damages.

The Bats (0-1) next game will be at 10:00 AM on Sunday, May 5 against the Mariners (0-1) at Emricson Park in Woodstock, Ill. (Field Permitting)  This will be the first time these two teams meet in 2024.  Last season the Bats went 3-1 versus the Mariners.

BATS DROPPINGS

Since 2004 the Bats had gone 305 straight games without a game cancellation due to vehicular destruction of the field.